Here’s an update on my infertility journey — one that’s been filled with more heartache than hope. The past few months have been especially heavy as I completed three failed rounds of Clomid. What started as a hopeful next step toward growing our family quickly turned into one of the most emotional experiences I’ve had yet.
What Is Clomid?
For anyone unfamiliar, Clomid (clomiphene citrate) is a fertility medication used to help your body ovulate. It works by stimulating hormones that trigger egg release and is often one of the first treatment options doctors suggest. On paper, it seems simple — a few pills and a little patience — but what many don’t realize is how much it can take out of you both physically and emotionally.
The Side Effects No One Warns You About
Clomid comes with a list of side effects — hot flashes, mood swings, bloating, headaches — but for me, the hardest part wasn’t the physical changes. It was the emotional ones.
The last two months, I felt like a completely different person. The heightened hormones had me crying over everything. Commercials, songs, random thoughts — it didn’t take much to send me into tears. I just didn’t feel like myself. Some days, I honestly felt a little crazy, like I had no control over my own emotions.
And while I knew deep down it was the medication talking, that didn’t make it any easier.
The Pressure That Comes With “Trying”
There’s also a lot of pressure that comes with fertility medication — a kind that people don’t always talk about. You want it to work so badly that every symptom becomes a sign, and every month feels like the most important one yet. When it doesn’t work, you can’t help but feel crushed.
Each round of Clomid felt like a fresh wave of hope followed by heartbreak. I told myself, “This is the one,” only to be left staring at another negative test. The emotional toll is real — not just from the hormones, but from the constant mental cycle of wanting, waiting, and wondering.
The Next Steps
After three rounds, I honestly feel like giving up. My body needs rest, and my mind needs peace. So for now, I’m taking a break — from the medication, from the tracking, and from the constant pressure to make something happen before it’s ready.
This isn’t the end of my story — just a new chapter. So stay tuned as I continue to share what’s next in my journey in the new year. For now, I’m letting my body and my heart rest, trusting that what’s meant for me will come when it’s time.
I hope this post finds those who are going through the same thing and find comfort in knowing you are not alone and this is not your fault. Infertility affects more women than not and unfortunately, there are still not a lot of answers as to why and I think that’s the hardest part. If you or someone you know is going through the same thing I am sending all the baby dust and well wishes on your journey.
With Love
Kait M.
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